Wednesday, August 11, 2004

I don't know what this is, but I apparently wrote it

Does anyone else think its coincidence that William Hung disappeared from the face of the earth just as another “artist” entered our lives? Ashlee Simpson arrived at a very convenient time don’t you think? I do. I think its part conspiracy and part pity.
Just as one horrible act falls from the public eye another rises to prominence. While I despise whoever is in charge of whatever leads to this shit, I also have to thank them. If Ashlee Simpson were to be on television at the same time as Willia… Fuck. I can’t even bring myself to put both their names in the same sentence. If they were to appear on TV at the same time I would probably throw something through the television. I’m just guessing the timing is to deter mass suicide in the MTV viewing populous.

Has anyone seen Brooke Hogan? You might have caught her on VH1’s Inside (Out) : Hulk Hogan, Stage Dad. Now Brooke Hogan – there’s a woman! She’s hot and yet off limits to little queers like Aaron Carter! Why? Because Hulk Hogan would break his fucking face, that’s why! Carter, who has been in the public eye for years, seemed like an akward little kid around the Hogan family! He seemed like the pimply little fuck that he is!

Personally I think that the Hulkster needs to kick the ass of Jessica and Ashlee’s dad. That jerk is giving Nick Leche shit? All the shit Nick has to put up with and you’re not being cool as hell to the poor boy? As long as Nick Leche never roots for either the Yankees or Red Sox, I will always have respect for him. He’s a guy’s guy. So what if he’s a semilebrity.

And after Hulk Hogan kicks Mr. Simpson’s ass, we can get rid of Ashlee completely and then fire Ryan Cabrera out of a cannon towards Puerto Rico. He’s going to be in the Capital Region next week (August 10, 2004) on a Dutch Apple Cruise! How do you like that? It’s going to be part of a “Oysters and Pearls Party” and Fly 92 is going to be there hosting! I hope that means he made to eat prairie oysters and given a pearl necklace by Brian Cody or some totally demeaning shit like that.

You know, I’ve just realized that if by some stroke of luck I ever get famous – and someone who had suffered a stroke would have to be involved in whatever decision process made me famous – I might actually have to deal with these people in person. I think I had better find some bigger friends. Not that I’m altogether worried about Aaron Carter or Ryan Cabrera, but what if the Mr. Hogan took offense to my calling his daughter a “babe?” Shit, man.
I think I’ll run down to Clinton Avenue after work today and enlist a proper entourage in the case that I do get famous. If I can’t find any takers, I’ll just buy some crack. No matter what, I’m going to leave in better shape than I went in!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

you're a funny guy

Anonymous said...

you're a funny guy